True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
