i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
