I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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