why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
