the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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