he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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