you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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