The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
