The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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