At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
