I'm lost and stupid without you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
