I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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