now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
