i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tonight lets celebrate not being married
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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