One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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