Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
