you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
