I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Panties = found
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
