Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
