Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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