I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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