It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
