They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
