I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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