does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
