i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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