woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
