in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
