mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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