That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
