My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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