No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
