i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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