is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
FUCK WHALES
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