His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
