i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
