You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
