I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
