come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
