his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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