Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
