I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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