I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
