I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
