u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
