It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
