When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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