we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
