On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
