So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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