So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
