Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
