I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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