Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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