I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
