Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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