he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
love makes seman taste better
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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