I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
