exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
