You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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