FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
