Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
