he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
