OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
