I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
