she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you had me at cake vodka
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
