i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
