i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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