a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
