Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Enjoy the penises
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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