We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
