is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
