Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
