you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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