i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
