I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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