i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
