Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
