sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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