my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
